The Male and Female Perspective Podcast
There seems to be so much disagreements between the male and female since the beginning of time. Adam and Eve couldn't even agree on who ate the apple. Is it true that woman are from Venus and men are from Mars? Is it really a Bro Code and Girl Code when it comes to keeping secrets from the opposite sex? Well,The Male And Female Perspective is here to crush the codes and bring grown ADULT AWARENESS to dating and relationships and what ever we can't seem to agree on! Tune In Weekly and let's laugh together on the same planet.
The Male and Female Perspective Podcast
Relationship Dynamics: Traditional vs. Modern
Can traditional values still hold their ground in today's fast-paced world? Join us as Jus Comply and I, Shawna Speaks, dive into the heart of this debate on the Male and Female Perspective Podcast. Through personal stories and heartfelt analysis, we explore the intricate dance between old-school disciplinary methods and contemporary parenting styles. Discover the benefits of traditional values, like respect and discipline, alongside the importance of allowing children to express themselves freely in today's ever-changing landscape.
Have you ever wondered how the scars of past trauma shape our present-day parenting? Together, Jessica and I unpack the long-lasting impact of growing up in environments fraught with abuse and unsupported trauma. We explore the courage it takes to challenge deeply ingrained beliefs and the journey to forge a new path that blends age-old wisdom with modern understanding. From debating the merits of relationship dynamics to navigating the complexities of love, respect, and security, our conversation sheds light on the evolving roles and expectations in today's society.
In our final segments, we tackle the shifting perspectives on aging and the role of women in contemporary society, emphasizing the need for both partners to actively contribute to sustaining desired traditional values. We reflect on the financial struggles and unrealistic expectations that can strain modern relationships, stressing the importance of mutual effort and realistic goals. With a balanced approach to modern parenting and maintaining essential etiquette and boundaries, we wrap up this compelling episode with insights that aim to bridge the gap between traditional and modern values for a fulfilling life. Tune in for a thought-provoking discussion that promises to leave you with a fresh perspective on navigating today's complex world.
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what's going on, y'all? It's your girl, shauna Speaks, and this is the male and female perspective podcast, and I'm here with my dope co-host, jessica Ply, is in the building. Shauna, shauna what's up, jessica Ply?
Speaker 2:I can't call it, I might spoil it, I know, right then, I just saw you how you doing today I'm good, I'm good, I'm very good, I cannot complain, right, you know?
Speaker 1:happy tuesday, yeah y'all, we got a dope show for you today, as always. You know how we do. Let let's go.
Speaker 2:Let's get it.
Speaker 1:What's going on?
Speaker 2:What's going on? What's going on? This is Jessica Ply, of the Male and Female Perspective, my lovely host over here. Shauna Speaks. Hey, hey, brooklyn in the house, brooklyn in the house, brooklyn, and the PXs in the house, bronx in the building.
Speaker 2:What's going on. You know, I had this one. I had to give some thought to. You know what I mean. Like this was something that I told you, um, um, you know, when we first initially talked about it, I was like you know, this is a subject that's kind of kind of different, right, it's kind of different, but it's it's definitely, it's definitely worth talking about, right, um, but before we get into it, I would definitely like for everyone to subscribe, to share. Yeah, put on the specs. Put on the specs now. We want you to be able to see. So please subscribe, please like, please share, please comment the male-female perspective on YouTube. We're on TikTok, we're on Spotify and we're on Apple.
Speaker 1:Yeah, Wherever you can, social podcast platforms we are.
Speaker 2:That's exactly where I was going. Yes, so wherever you want to find us, you can find us. The male and female perspective. That's right. Today, our topic is going to be the traditional versus the modern values, and the reason why I feel like this is important is because you hear a lot on certain platforms. I hear a lot on certain platforms. Well, I want traditional, like I'm traditional, I'm traditional and I want that old school. You hear that all the time. I want the old school. Yeah, well, I want to break that down. Okay, because was the old school necessarily better? Was the traditional values that we were brought upon? Was it necessarily better? Was the traditional values that we were brought upon? Was it necessarily better? Because there are certain things that I would argue from the modern values that has helped our community more than the traditional values.
Speaker 1:Right.
Speaker 2:Yeah, so let's get into it.
Speaker 1:Let's get into it, because I have a lot to say.
Speaker 2:Okay, okay, I'm with it. You know I'm hopping at any point. You know we can do this Well.
Speaker 1:I'm going to say this Go ahead.
Speaker 1:Before. So yeah, I do think that. So I just it was weird because before we started the second part of this podcast um, it's our second one for today um, I was talking to a friend about the raising of of um, his, his kid, and he's going through the co-parenting struggle right now. So what I said to him is I heard him say some things that probably triggered from his, his childhood, of how he was probably raised in discipline, and I realized that what traditional I said to him? I said, hey, there are some things you know in psychology.
Speaker 1:Psychology we say rough, rough discipline, right when you know the beatings, the, the, the corporal punishment, certain things that we went through as kids. We thought it was like really bad how we got our butt wet, but what I said, I said but some of those things that our parents, especially black mothers that was single and didn't have a father in the household, some of the things that our grandparents and our mothers disciplined us, we have to take that into raising of our kids, some of it okay, some of it so yes.
Speaker 1:So to your answer to your question. Yes, I do think that some of the traditional values and upbringing for for for us, were better than what's going on now. And I say that because now here's the down part.
Speaker 1:As a kid, we weren't able to speak up for ourselves. Every adult was right, every adult was supposed to be respected. You couldn't talk back, so we didn't have no voice. So for those of us that didn't have a voice, now we're outspoken. We're too loud, we got a lot to say. And then for those of us that got children now we let our kids speak and express themselves.
Speaker 1:And guess what happens when you don't, when you're traumatizing. You didn't get help from what you thought you was traumatized by your upbringing. Now you get an outspoken, a child that overtalks. Don't. Don't know the difference between I don't gotta always have an answer because we didn't give balance. So when you don't take traditional values at all and and then add them into the new generation, then you get an overkill or underkill. But then when you do balance it out and take some of what grandma and granddad and and your mother taught you and raising of your children, there's a balance you allow to speak, but I'm gonna tell you why when you're not, and why you don't have to always speak back.
Speaker 1:So now I got my sisters and I got some of my nieces and them they talk back to the point where there's no respect, to the point that they can do it to me. But because I have some traditional values on how my grandmother raised me, I ain't taking that. So now they looking at me crazy. I go, girl, like you're going to put a handle on my name, like you're not gonna call me Shauna right, I'm 49.
Speaker 1:So I do believe that that traditional there are some traditional values that should be brought in to the new generation. I do think that some of some of the stuff that we did go through was better okay, you know what and you read my mind.
Speaker 2:Okay, you read my mind because that was the very first thing that I was going to mention. That's what we do, partner. The children were made to be seen and not heard, and so what happened is is that there's a lot of things that happened to children that they did not feel comfortable talking about and then they grew up with holding on to because they weren't able to release that, because sometimes your best therapy is to be able to just be heard yes, right just to be heard.
Speaker 2:Like people do not realize how freeing a burden it is just to talk and be heard, just to be able to say you know what this happened.
Speaker 1:Oh, this did not happen.
Speaker 2:You know what I mean. Or it did not happen and it just to get it off of you, right? So then what happens is is that, well, you, you, you have become an uh, uh, you now become an adult that don't know how to express Nope, you know what I mean. So so now you?
Speaker 2:now we've grown up and we realize the error of what happened, and so we swung the pendulum completely the opposite direction. Yeah, you don't give your children boundaries. Okay, why, it is necessary sometime to just be quiet? How to read a room, how to do all the know is you know what? I want you to use your voice Right, and in certain instances it's great. It's great because I don't have to guess on what's going on in your mind, because you're telling me, you feel the freedom to tell me. But then, on the other part of on the flip side of this, is that OK, now we out and about and now you just want to tell me whatever's on your mind, you just want to give me whatever right, like there's a time and place for all things under the sun, and I can't handle this right now so remember when we came up with this conversation and I said claire huxtable was a prime example of traditional values in a modern woman.
Speaker 1:Right because she didn't, because because traditional or traditional woman was a woman that stayed home like um, like leave the beaver um mom right um uh, what is it?
Speaker 1:I I dream a genie, a bewitched. Like those women stayed home. They weren't, they didn't work. But Claire Huxtable was traditional values but she was a modern woman because she was a lawyer and she worked and she took care of kids and she was over. Sometimes she was overwhelmed, where she needed days to stay at home and dad did everything. Remember. But do you remember that scene with Rudy, when Rudy didn't want the traditional values of staying up late to watch her favorite show and they kept telling her like no, but then they let her, they gave her the lesson of doing it and show her oh, you can stay up as long as you want. She was up eating ice cream. They turned the.
Speaker 1:TV on, but she had to go to school the next day and she was like no.
Speaker 1:I'm tired. He's like I'm tired, get up. You got to get up. No, because you wanted to stay up like an adult and you wanted so. Now, you still got to go to school. You still got to perform tired. This is the reason why tradition will be telling you kids got to go to bed at a certain time and you don't get to stay up like your older brothers like, and your sister, like Theo and Vanessa. You got to go to sleep because you're younger, because your mind can't take it, that's. But then the lesson in it was that now you see why you can't do it. So what my friend was saying today is that he feels like from what he was taught, as for his for as a kid, and what he wanted to give his kid was that he didn't.
Speaker 1:When you got, when we got hit or we got disciplined or beat, there was no teaching moment. Right, it was I'm beating you because I love you or I'm beating you because I said so, but it wasn't a reason. But I said, I said so. I said you can't sit there and say that every time we got beat, we didn't know why we got beat. We knew when we did something wrong. We knew that there was a chance that if we didn't do what we knew staying at times outside late and things like that we knew when we did something wrong. We knew that there was a chance that if we didn't do what we knew staying at times outside late and things like that we knew that we were gonna get in trouble. But but, but there was no teachable moment right. So they confused being beat with love, saying I'm getting beat because you love me or you're getting beat but not telling me that.
Speaker 1:Hey, the reason why I did is because I don't have a watch so I lost time. You know I lost track of time. So when I get in the house late, it's after 8 o'clock because the streetlights came on a little early, but the sun is still out. I don't know the difference between. You know you didn't teach me time, so time got away from me. But I got beat for something that I didn't know. It goes back to you know how many people have evil cousins and aunts that just didn't like your mother and didn't like you because you was raised right. Her kids is running ragged, so guess what? This evil aunt lies on you. But because she's an adult and we're not supposed to lie on kids. Guess what happens. I get in trouble, but you're not listening to me. Let you know that it didn't happen. You didn't even ask me if it happened, you just believed the adult.
Speaker 2:And I think that a lot of the time, especially in the tradition, you know the, the days back then Is when you know A lot of the time the children Were not, a lot of the time the children were not able to feel safe speaking to, about adults and what their experience was. You think about just how many people that you know dealt with like, say, abuse, and you're in an environment where there's no real support system regarding abusive situations and things of that nature. So you grow up with that abuse and you know whether it may be mental, whether it may be physical, whether it may be emotional, whether it may be spiritual. Abuse is very devastating and it's hard to get over. You know what I mean, especially once you get to feeling that or you get to thinking that that's what you deserve.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:When you don't know that you're worth more than what you've been through. That's a hard pill to swallow, very hard right? Yeah, and as a person that have dealt well, you know they've done life coach, uh, life coaching event I'm I'm sure you understand that that breakdown of it is extremely because those people are extremely guarded, they're extremely defended. You know what I mean. They're defensive, overprotective, you know what I mean. The trauma is real. The swing that they do is completely in the opposite direction. You will not thing to do.
Speaker 1:It's like you know how I'm gonna use a kid you. I can't wait to get out this house. I can't wait to get my own kids. I'm gonna get out of here. I'm gonna get married. I ain't never come back here because of the, because we didn't understand the discipline, or the, the harshness of the discipline, or saying, dad, this, this ain't warning me, can't sit down for the last couple of days this ain't warning that this ain't warrant this.
Speaker 1:In my mind, it didn't warrant this like dang. So now, guess what? What happens? Like you said, we see it now. Now it becomes fearful. Now you scared to do anything. So we're not only just anything in the in the presence of your parents and your relatives, but just in the world going forward. So now, when you have your own kids, now you feel like you are going to right the wrong right the wrong.
Speaker 1:Or now you're going to tell your mother I told you so because now I get to raise my kid the way I want to. But then guess what happens with those grandparents? They become what we wanted. Now they, grandkids, can't get beat, don't you yell at them don't you tell them they can't have this.
Speaker 1:I see my mother in here. When I tell you the traditional values that my grandmother and my mother instilled in me, when I say it to my niece oh, don't say that to her, or she can have what she want I go what. You gotta be kidding me. So you gotta become a grandmother in order to be, to be balanced. And then, in the same thing, I was raised on superstition, so I remember my mother. So this is. This goes with my mother having something that she didn't understand. She didn't understand superstition. You know, barring salt, a black cat, uh, breaking a mirror, seven years, bad luck, um, your hand it's somebody's talking about on the crack, break your mother right my mother was raised on that stuff.
Speaker 1:Right, you know, spin on a broom, if you touch your feet you can't get married. So I'm like so then a lot of us got our feet touched with brooms. That's why we not married. So I didn't understand it. So if I didn't understand it, this is how I was coming into where I'm at now, understanding that I wasn't gonna march at the beat of somebody else's drum.
Speaker 1:So I stood up to my grandmother, but I'll not in a way that I was being disrespectful. I didn't understand, why are you telling me all these little weird things? I didn't understand it and I expected her to explain it to me, but she. But she couldn't because she didn't know where it came from. It was taught to her. So she taught it to my mother. My mother and them try to teach it to me, and I wasn't having it Right. So my mother.
Speaker 1:So one day I said, grandma, that don't make sense. I said I can't borrow salt or a cat. I said but God made a cat. Why would that be bad luck? Oh, don't talk back to me. I almost got beat for it. My mother. And my mother admitted to me, maybe a couple of months ago or like a year ago we talked about it. She said I couldn't say nothing. She said but I was so happy that you stood up to to my mother, something that I could not do. She said I thought you was gonna die or get beat, but when you stood up to grandma, I was. So I said you know, my mother had to still tell me you know, watch your mouth. But she, but she couldn't believe that I actually had the strength and the courage to question my grandmother on something that I didn't. That didn't add up to me from what you're trying to raise me biblically to what you're telling me now about superstition.
Speaker 1:But my grandmother couldn't explain it because she didn't have the answer right so I went on, not believing in superstition, don't care about no mirror and all this stuff. It comes to Remembrance because I was Raised, but it was up to me to Debunk it.
Speaker 2:Now I'm going to say one thing that my grandmother was right about what's that.
Speaker 1:She said turn your lights off with lightning. So one day I was in the house being defiant. My grandmother was dead and gone and I'm sitting up there and it's lightning. I'm on the computer, I'm watching tv. I'm like see my grandma know she's talking about no daggone lightning and turn the light off, comply. I was in the projects, okay, on the ninth floor, the corner of the building, that lightning hit, struck the building, the light, the sky lit up like it was daytime. My computer said boom. I saw a spark. I said I'm sorry, grandma, I'm sorry, you're right, you're right, I turned up everything. I'm sitting in the middle of the floor like this. I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry, so I say that.
Speaker 2:To say it, I land that there's certain things that you do have to listen, because everything that they did say was not wrong right every day I love you, grandma let me ask you this then yeah, do, do you believe, um, that the traditional way of the traditional way of relationships, do you think that it is, it was better than the modern way of relationship? And hence I'll explain before before, before I let you go, before I let you out, I'm gonna, I'm gonna go ahead and hold me back. Before I let you go, let me explain.
Speaker 2:I ain't got no more juice for this so the, the traditional way was to you know the male, you know speak to the father and you know you had to get the father's approval for you to even start talking to the father. You had to get the father's approval for you to even start talking to the daughter. Then, once you start talking to the daughter, or whatever the case may be, after a certain amount of time, now it is what are we doing? What is your intentions with my daughter, whatever the case may be, and we ain't doing a whole long thing or whatever, like what's going on? Right, right, there was definitely. You had a period of time that you courted the woman. You courted the woman and courting was basically dating and getting to know at the same time.
Speaker 2:You know, but what I've, what I've noticed, because now the, the, the modern way, is basically social media. You don't really like there's so many different broken homes that you don't really have to get to know the parent at all. You know what I mean. Like some folks, you never even meet their parent at all. You know, or whatever the case, depending on the dynamics that's going on in the house, you know a lot of the time you're meeting on, a lot of people are meeting on social media through, you know, different apps and things of that nature. Um, they're going on, um, they're going on dates. Um, um, after, after, getting to know each other.
Speaker 2:For you know, however long you know, sometimes months, sometimes, you know, weeks, just depend on the vibes or whatever the case may be, but I can definitely tell you that there's the difference between the two as far as to how you're getting to know each particular person, because I think that you know, you like I've not been in your presence to feel your vibe, to say that hey, yo, yeah, I'm interested in you, right, in this way or that way. So, um, that's why I asked the question like do you believe that the traditional way, way of courting, of dating, of relationships, is better or worse than the modern day? And, based off of your answer, I have another question. But well, let's talk.
Speaker 1:I'm not trying to shadow the fence, but again I I I do see how both of them can can balance and work for me. I am a modern day woman with some traditional values that I still hold to my heart that I will never negate from no one, care how many years left on this earth that I am allowed to date.
Speaker 2:Okay.
Speaker 1:I would not negate from allowing a man to come to my house on the first or second or third date. I would not negate from a man being the first to pay If he asked me out on the first date. I would not negate from uh sexual activities until I'm, until I know that we're in a relationship, ever not made mistakes in the past, right, because it's um, certain things that I've learned, like that. Or letting a man now pick you up from your home, you know, because now.
Speaker 1:So now picking you up from your home was a traditional thing right but now, because of the modern day crazies, that's not a thing for safety for a woman, because now you might get with a guy that you don't like and now he knows where you live at right. So I don't, I won't use that anymore. I don't want you picking me up in your car, even at the corner. I got my own car, I'll drive. We can be separate ways because, again, you know, time, the new modern way, has shown that dating is very, very scary now versus when I, when I was dating dating traditional when I was younger you like somebody that was your boyfriend. You went on a couple of dates and you didn't have to worry about calling me 15 times and things like that. If he was your boyfriend, he met your parents. You met his parents.
Speaker 1:I was 16, 17, up until maybe 20-something years, I was meeting my boyfriend's parents. I was spending Thanksgiving with them. They were taking my mother, allowed me to go on trips. If I spent the night, it was because they had a bigger sister and they knew that we was in separate rooms and I mean, you know, things happen whatever. You still can come out the room, but it was the fact of respect. Parents knew each other these days, like you said, you were not meeting nobody parents. So I do believe that, again, there are some traditional values that I, as a woman, to keep my femininity, I would not negate from, but there are some things that I do believe that cannot be traditional anymore because of the protection of being a single woman dating now in the 21st century.
Speaker 2:I can. I can agree with that, with a lot of what you said, and I can understand your reasoning behind.
Speaker 2:But I'll, but, I'll I'll let you know, because I have other stuff that I don't want to over overdrawing it, but yeah okay, um, I, I can agree with you know, like, for instance, like for me, like, um, it is, it is a, it's a, it's my ego, I'll put it, I'll just put it out there. My ego, I'll just put it out there, my ego will not allow for you to pay for the date. Even if you were the one to ask me on the date, my ego will not allow me to do that. How about on the second date? Now, you're never going to pay on a date, not if I'm present. So not the traditional, not if I'm present.
Speaker 1:Okay, so not. If you're traditional, okay, I get it.
Speaker 2:You know what I mean. My ego will not allow me to do that. You know what I mean. It'll be a completely different other thing. Say, for instance, if you set a reservation and you paid in advance. You know what I mean. So now I don't know that it's happened, that you've done it Like, okay, now that's, yeah, that's out of my hands. You know what I mean.
Speaker 2:But if I'm there and a check comes on that table, like I don't want you touching it, you know just the same way, like, if I'm in the car with you and we pull up to the gas station, like there's no need for you to get out the car.
Speaker 2:Like you know, like, unless you want to go in and get you some, some to snack on, or whatever the case may be, like there's no reason for you to get out the car. Like I'm pumping the gas and then I'll. You know, uh, you know, unless there's something specific or you need to go to the bathroom or something like that. You know like, cause, in my view, like when you're with me, you're under my protection at all. My view, like when you're with me, you're under my protection at all, like, and so I'm thinking about all scenarios, whether or not you know there may be something going on inside the store that you know, uh, or whatever, or if on the outside you know what I mean. Like I need to make sure that I am the the focal point not, exactly not, you agree.
Speaker 2:You know what I mean. Yeah, I think that there are certain things, traditionally, that I do hold on to, but then there are certain things that are modern, that I definitely like the independence of a woman.
Speaker 1:Okay.
Speaker 2:I love that. I love that. I love it. I do not think that I would have fit well in a society that tried to cultivate a woman to me, and the reason why I say that is because I need someone to push back on some of my impulses. You know what I mean, Especially being the young man that I was coming up Like. Now that I'm here, now you know I'm more calculated, I'm more now less of a risk taker and things of that nature, but when I was younger like if I had someone that all you ever do was listen to what I say or whatever I'm going to, my personality is going to run right over the top of you. You know what I mean. Like I need that pushback, I need that stop.
Speaker 1:So let me ask you a question. Do you think that, before I lose it you know, excuse my ADHD, sorry Do you think that? I see, I don, I forgot my dang on door. What was I about to ask you? Do you think that modern versus traditional is predicated on age and the walk of life that we're in at this moment? Like what you're saying, you would run over the person. Now you know, now that wasn't traditional, that was modern, but now that part is now you. You may want a woman that's a little more conditioned and not so well, I mean, tell you what to do, right, not so bossy. Do you think it's like, predicated on our levels of life, like where we are? Because I I kind of think like that.
Speaker 2:If you understand what I'm trying to say yeah, I do, but I do, but in a certain sense, like it does depend on your level of maturity and your, your accountability to yourself. Right, because I know me, I know my personality is a tidal wave. You know what I mean. I know my personality is a tidal wave, so I know what I need in order for me to be the best version of me, what I need in order for me to be the best version of me, and I don't need someone that is just going to be alone for the ride to just tell me, yeah, yeah.
Speaker 1:You know what I mean. Like I need you. Yeah, you need a little pushback.
Speaker 2:I have to have that because, because no relationship that I have been in where the person didn't have the right type of personality that was able to like it ends fast.
Speaker 1:I got you.
Speaker 2:It ends fast, you know, yeah, and it's not necessarily because so you need that challenge. I have to have the challenge. So the independent, you know like I want and see the independent woman. What she also allows me to see is that if something should Because, see, I was asked a question a while ago and then I had to give this really deep thought- okay.
Speaker 2:I was asked what is more important to me in a relationship level security and I thought about that thing for a second Shauna. I thought about that thing for a while and I said you know what?
Speaker 1:I need to write that down because I need to answer that myself.
Speaker 2:They asked me that question, I was like, for me it's security. And it was like, why did you say that? And I was like, well, you know what? I love me better than anybody else that could possibly love me in this world. Nobody else is going to love me besides God himself. No one else is going to love me the way that I love me. You can't possibly love me better than I love me. Right, amen, Amen.
Speaker 2:But I've been homeless before. I've been neglected and abandoned before. Neglected and abandoned before. I run from that every single day of my life because I remember how that felt right. So for me, I can care less about your love. Your love is a bonus to me. That's all it is. It's a bonus my security, making sure that I have a house to come to, I have a safe space where I can be vulnerable, where I can have peace in my life, all of those things. That is more important to me than the feeling, because the feeling is fleeting, gotcha, you know what I mean. Like I need to be able to, to, to, to, to, to walk in some doors or whatever I said. They didn't feel like.
Speaker 1:I'm home Right. Everything that you just went through, it don't even matter Once you walk through it don't even matter. And a lot of women don't even understand that, like how um they you know a man equivalates respect and vulnerability with love. So you can never have to say like we need I love me, love me, love me, want me.
Speaker 1:Like we need to hear that all the time, like we can say I love you at five o'clock, we need to hear it again at 5 15 right because that's just how we, just how we built, and then insecurities and things like that, but men equate love with respect and that vulnerability that they can be themselves and that they don't have to hear something, an argument, after they confided in you because, like we said, you know in our first podcast, once that happens, that that door is closed. Like you know, that goes with the mental health of a man and it's closed. So it's like that's so important, like you know, that was a good thing. Women need to understand that. You know it's yeah, so that's a good question. I don't answer it myself, but I think I don't know Because I feel like I'm secure for myself. So it might be the opposite of what you said and I'm not trying to make that a beat about it, but that was a good question, I think for me.
Speaker 1:I think the love is important, but what love is to me is what it is Like. I just said, love me it's like the way you show me your love is. Whatever my requirements is, then that's what's important to me. The security for me, I guess, because you know, if you're not mad, because you know things happen you fall out of love, you break up and then you secure with this person, but then they leave and so I don't ever really think I get too comfortable unless I know. But I get more comfortable knowing that you love me because there's people that love me and we're not even together anymore or we're not like in each other's presence, like that. But the love was never questionable. So it might be love for me, but maybe that's just because I'm a woman. That's a good question. I like that.
Speaker 2:That was good that was a when I was like that that was good, yeah, that was uh. Now, when I was asked that question, I really like I had to deep dive into that, because you know that, you know what where I go is, you know how I felt during times when, um, when I felt my worst, right, and did I feel my worst because somebody didn't love me? Or did I feel my worst because I didn't feel secure, I didn't feel safe?
Speaker 1:Right. See, that's the part.
Speaker 2:You know what I mean so that's how I broke it down was like which one felt worse to me? And for me, it was that lack of security, that that that time where you know where I was, I was, uh, out and all alone and didn't have anybody, you know, I mean I had to, you know, get it in the mud, so to speak.
Speaker 1:Yeah, yeah yeah, yeah so, um, now talking about relationships, uh, because this is what we modern day woman, modern day, you know, it's always the, it's always the modern, versus, again, it's always the woman. Right for me, for I do believe, right now, in the era that we are in, that there is really no such thing as a traditional woman anymore, because the traditional way of living is not even a thing. Existent anymore it doesn't exist right, Because it takes two households to work just to make ends meet um two incomes two incomes right, yeah, two right two incomes to make, to make what I said you said two households.
Speaker 1:Oh right, right, two incomes to make that right to make the household right to to make it to make ends meet it takes.
Speaker 1:It takes um two parents to to raise kids now and, you know, to together, I mean, that's always been a thing. I feel like the traditional aspect of it is non-existent because of just that right there um, the cost of living, uh, social media influences, uh, we, we were, we were, our parents was was raised on survival. We were raised on survival and on free thinking. These kids are raised on trauma from the free thinking, survival parents that they don't have to be traumatized because we've given them everything, because we didn't have it. So now we're giving our kids everything and we're not, involuntarily, not raising them up with morals.
Speaker 1:They don't know what it is to have struggle meals or to not go to, to go to bed hungry or what hand-me-down clothes is, because we out here buying them everything right, because we didn't have it. So again the trauma shows us. So our kids are being raised on our trauma and remember we had that conversation in the live that we had last two weeks ago. But but our traditional goes out the window unless you have somebody that really held on. I mean, if you can hold on at least to 15% to 20% of what grandma raised you with, if we all had the blessing of being raised by our grandparents or having an older mom, then that could go a long way.
Speaker 1:But unfortunately, the more generations is happening now, these younger kids, kids now before babies were being you know, it seems like it's happening again. Our younger, our grandparents had kids at 14, 13, then we came and then our mothers had us at 17, 18. Now our kids right us, we having our kids, right us, we having our kids 16, maybe 17. Now our children for our grandkids, they having kids at 25, 26, some of them 30. They don't want kids.
Speaker 2:Yeah, they don't want kids.
Speaker 1:And then the ones that now the Gen Z's. They're having kids later, so now it's like, but then now the kids that had the children at 16, 14, they're hanging out with their kids. So how can I have show my kids more rules and and um and and and and integrity if I'm shaking my butt and twerking with my daughter? Right or I'm drinking a beer, smoking with my son yeah right, there's got to be a separation.
Speaker 1:Me and my son, we went out to. I went to visit him and my grandkids in Georgia, like two years ago when COVID was kind of ending, and we were sitting at the seafood restaurant and we ordered some drinks. I don't drink, he drink. He ordered a beer. I don't drink, he drink, he ordered a beer. I almost had a fit but I had to catch myself cause he's grown and he's married, right, but I just didn't want to see my son sit with me drinking a beer.
Speaker 2:Right.
Speaker 1:But it ain't ain't the fact that he disrespected me by ordering it. I was like what you doing, and then I'm like he's.
Speaker 2:Like you doing, and then I'm like he's like ma I said I said just just gotta drink it, but I didn't like right, right, like me and my mother.
Speaker 1:But it's not a bad reflection you know, I mean, it's not a bad reflection that I feel like there's a certain type of honor and and and certain things you just don't do in front of your parents. And, like I said, I it was just that it caught me off guard because I still look, I'm like my baby you know, like, know, like my mother, she get a drink.
Speaker 1:You know I've ordered, you know, a drink with her. Like we'll have a pina colada mine's a B virgin because you know I got to drive and I don't drink but she'll drink in front of me, but I'll let my mother drink in front of me before I'll take a sip with my mom. But I have I'm, but it's just that little that the. I think it's just the, the, the, the birth and the of the children and the age of us that have come so close. The gap is is it's bridged, is a little closer than it was. That's why now you don't have the traditional grandmothers or the traditional aunties, because they're partying with the, with their nieces and their kids. We don't want to be called auntie Now when you get called auntie, it's like a bad thing.
Speaker 2:That was where I was going to go next. There's a lot of times I hear people say, well, these kids will call you by your name or whatever the case may be. The problem is, because aunt so-and-so and uncle so-and-so don't want to be called aunt so-and-so and uncle so-and-so, they'll tell them don't call me that. Or if you call me Mr or Mrs, that makes me think of my mother, and I'm not that old. Call me so. So now that I have been accustomed to being, um, being that type to call grown people by their first name, because they don't want me to put a mr or mrs or whatever, you're right or exactly. So now it's not disrespect. It's not disrespect, it is a taught behavior. Now.
Speaker 2:Sometimes it's a taught behavior. No, seriously, like there's. So I've heard so many times. When I came from, I came from, I was living in Arkansas, and when I lived in Arkansas now imagine that culture shock moving from South Bronx, new York, to Arkansas like that that was wild my goodness, um, and now. I used to stay in fights for that reason, like I couldn't understand nothing they were talking about, like it was just it was wild you know what I mean.
Speaker 2:Like, who are these people? Where did they come from? Why did they drop me off here, plymouth Rock?
Speaker 2:huh, no, that's right, I landed on it but but when I, when I moved from Arkansas and I moved to Virginia and then I moved also to Indiana because of the upbringing that I had in Arkansas where you know they teach a lot of Southern hospitality, the old school country ways, whatever the case may be. So it was Mr Mrs Ma'am, sir, da, da, da da. When I moved to Virginia, like that was the first place where it was like man, don't call me ma'am, don't call me sir, I don't like ma'am.
Speaker 1:You right See what that was yeah.
Speaker 2:We were taught to say ma'am, sir, mr, mrs.
Speaker 1:That's what we were taught they can say I'm their grandmother, but I don't want to be called grandma.
Speaker 2:But, grandma, you know what I mean. Nana Gigi is fine or Madea. You know what I mean.
Speaker 1:Maybe Madea, but it's called.
Speaker 2:Gigi, you know, now it's grandma and all this other stuff. Where it used to be to get old was a prideful thing.
Speaker 1:And it was an honor.
Speaker 2:It was an honor, it was a badge of honor, it was a sign of dignity to get old, dignity to get old. Now it is like so many of us is trying to run away from it, as if like, as if it's a curse. And so what happens? What happens is now you try, now I'm going to make 45, the new 35, instead of just being 45. You know what I mean, instead of just being 45. You know what I mean, instead of just being 45.
Speaker 1:I'm proud because I know I don't make 49.
Speaker 2:You know what I'm saying.
Speaker 1:I'm going to be my age.
Speaker 2:I'm going to hold this down.
Speaker 1:I appreciate the grades that's coming out. I appreciate that.
Speaker 2:It is what it is. I'm going to let them come. I'm going to let them.
Speaker 1:It's different for y'all men, though it look good on y'all.
Speaker 2:You know, the crazy thing is that I don't think that it looks bad on women. I think women make other women feel self-conscious about their appearances. There are certain things that us men and any men that watch this, if you agree with me just let me know. You know, just let me know. There are certain things that women do as far as to their parents that us men, we don't give a damn about. We could care less.
Speaker 2:I mean, I do believe, you know, I mean you doing that specifically, either for you, or you doing it for some other female, to to impress another female, or so that another female won't talk, or whatever, because we ain't looking at nothing in regards to that. You know what I mean. Like, lashes or edges or stuff like that.
Speaker 1:Okay. Do you believe that it's possible for a modern woman to to hold traditional values or be taught traditional values in this day and age, right now?
Speaker 2:yes, because I see that there are still a lot of modern women that go out and they do the nine-to-five and stuff like that, that still have traditional values where they still want to be courted, they still want to be. Now there are certain parts of the traditional values that is, that's gone, that I believe is gone. And, for instance, I think that the days of the housewife, they're done. You know what I mean. I think that for For the collective, for the median, you know what I mean. No, there's going to be outliers where you know this person may be able to get away with it or whatever the case may be, but for the vast majority nowadays, the housewife is done because inflation is too high. The economy is what it is. Inflation is too high, the economy is what it is. You know, um, we, we, we can't afford for, you know, unless you getting paid to be a housewife right, there ain't no housewife.
Speaker 2:You know what I mean. Like I need you out here working. Even if it's just a little piece of job, I need you to be working you know what I mean home or something, yeah something yeah, so there are there are certain aspects of the traditional um values that you know.
Speaker 2:I think that is is no longer relevant in today's world, but, um, I do believe that there are a lot of women there and I think there's a lot of men that are out here that still are holding on to some of the traditional values that we learn from our parents and our grandparents but it's the men that keep asking for the traditional, the traditional woman, but they're not.
Speaker 1:But they're not giving us that traditional life, and therein lies the issue yeah, because you're asking something that you're not giving me the you're not giving me the soft ever life, to live a traditional life, to cook, clean and be able to do it, and then be okay that all the bills are going to be met by just one income. So you ask for something that you have to be the first partaker in creating.
Speaker 2:Yeah, yeah. You can't ask for in today's time, you can't ask for the traditional woman and only work 40 hours a day.
Speaker 1:No, you sure can't. Or 40 hours a week? No, you can't ask for it, that's not even possible. It's not even possible.
Speaker 2:You have to if you want in today's society and unless you stay home with my six figures unless you seven figures or above no, the only way that you could possibly continue on with a traditional lifestyle is that you have to work more than 40 hours a week. You cannot 60 plus 60 plus 60, you know, and then that means your wife that means I'm not at home I'm not gonna see you that means I'm not at home, so these women are asking for a lot and these men are asking for a lot.
Speaker 1:But here go to, here go to the narrowing of this conversation that we have in the traditional versus modern um uh values is non-existent or slim to none, because you have to provide that atmosphere. If you are a woman that requires this, then you have to make sure that everything that your husband is asking you didn't. That needs to be met right. So if you want to be a modern woman, like like claire huxtable, and work, but you start to come home, cook, clean, attend to your husband at nighttime, you can't be tired, you got you, you you got to do two jobs, so you can't, you can't have. It's either one or the other.
Speaker 1:But if you want to be a traditional woman and and then and have well, I'm sorry, be a modern woman, have traditional values, then you got to stand on on those values, yeah. And if you are a modern day man that want a traditional wife but you know that you're not giving her that lifestyle, then you have to give her that lifestyle. You have to give her the cushion to be able to quit her job that makes her a modern woman, to be able to stay home and do all the things that you cushion to be able to quit her job. That makes her a modern woman to be able to stay home and do all the things that you need to be done when you come home and whatever else you need for her if you just want her to be at your beck and call. But y'all cannot have it both ways, no, and it's more than just sex and cleaning and cooking that makes a woman a traditional woman or modern. It's more to it than just that. There's so much more to it than just that.
Speaker 2:I agree.
Speaker 1:Because there's a lot of women out here that ain't got no jobs. Don't mean that they traditional.
Speaker 2:That part right there. What are you doing? They modern broke Right.
Speaker 1:No pockets. Traditional welfare Right Gotitionally no pockets.
Speaker 2:Traditional welfare. Right got traditional land.
Speaker 1:Right.
Speaker 2:Right.
Speaker 1:Right so you got to be careful what you're asking for.
Speaker 2:Yeah, yeah, okay, what you?
Speaker 1:going to do though.
Speaker 2:Right. That's why I say you know like, you have to know where you are. Like, are you in your fantasy, are you in reality? Because your fantasy is? Okay, this is my ideal situation. This is, you know, like if everything went right, this is what I want, right, this is my preference, this is what you know. But then reality. Reality is is that yo, I only work 40 hours a week or less? Reality is is that, um, the reality is I only make XYZ amount of dollars per hour and that's not enough if you're in today's society to to have a woman that's going to be at home on your beck and call all the time like that. That's just not. That's not feasible. That's not going to be a feasible way of thought process for your lifestyle. You're going to struggle all the time.
Speaker 2:That's just a guarantee yep and then it's going to be an unhappy way of living. That's just what it is. It's a guarantee that's going to be an unhappy way of living because, contrary to what people may think, um, infidelity isn't the cause of a lot of the breakups of a household. It is that money being funny, dumb finances get funny and I lose compassion.
Speaker 1:No romance without finance. That song was real. What are we talking about? You know what I'm?
Speaker 2:saying what are we talking about? Like you ain't got. You know what I'm saying. What are we talking about? Like you ain't got nothing? What? The lights got cut off.
Speaker 1:What you want to jump on me? What we ain't got no food? What?
Speaker 2:We ain't got no food. I ain't got no compassion.
Speaker 1:I'm not in the mood Right, I ain't got a headache, I stress okay, you better understand if you don't scooch over and leave me alone right you're right, fine, why you ain't? Why you ain't at work right now right, you ain't got no job, better go on tiktok, make a video man, look here, look here I walked up. You better get your car and you better do Uber Eats or do it, ash, I walk about this house and you in one spot and I come back and you in the same spot, we got problems.
Speaker 1:The same underwear is on. You ain't wash your ass either.
Speaker 2:We got problems.
Speaker 1:I don't smell no soap, no, nothing in here.
Speaker 2:Ain't nothing cooking.
Speaker 1:Nothing cooking. It's nothing cooking, it's dry the clothes are still on the couch what stuff about?
Speaker 2:to get rough around here where you going.
Speaker 1:I'll be back. I need to go somewhere because I can't do this. What?
Speaker 2:I'm trying to tell you don finance, look traditional finance in a terrible household. That's why I say you know like it's, I think that the traditional way of thinking, I think that was beneficial, but because of the modern society that we have, yeah it may be unattainable to a certain degree, depending on what part of the traditional you know, the traditional lifestyle you want to, you want to incorporate.
Speaker 2:Certain things are definitely still, you know, they still out there, they're still being done. You know, um, you know so I don't have any issue with that. But there are certain other parts of the traditional values that is definitely in this society. It's now unattainable. It's going to be slim to none to see it?
Speaker 1:I definitely, but we, we, we got to come together as as as, as men and women, cause I think we, we be requesting a lot from each other, um things that, like you said, that that's not possible at this present moment in time. You know the average the average working person makes 45 000 a year, and that's average, and the lowest is about 20 20 yeah 20, about 20. So and then on on the scale of six figures.
Speaker 1:The low six figures by the time tax is taken out, you still five figures yeah you got to be like high six figures in order to really see the bulk of your money yeah you know, I'm, I'm, I'm mid six figures and it's still a lot yeah it's still a lot.
Speaker 1:You think I don't want to. I've been working too long. I've been working since I was 14. You think I don't want to come home and be cute and walk around here with little teddies and cook dinner all day and sing. You think I don't want to do that? I still sometimes got to come home after a day of working 12, 16 hours and still cook and clean for myself.
Speaker 2:Right.
Speaker 1:I can't wait to retire. I want to know what that feel like. What that look like, Right right, I had two days off this week. Guess what? I slept all day yesterday, slept most of this day. Now I'm doing right here what I love to do, and then I got to go in there and cook dinner after I get off this bar, gas for myself laundry, and then I'm right back in the trenches tomorrow back in the trenches tomorrow.
Speaker 1:That's me, with no help so you think I don't want another six figure or coaster six figure man to jump on board with me so we can make this work together? I would love that, but according to society, I'm too successful or nobody care about my accolades. You care about something, but according to society, I'm too successful or nobody care about my accolades. You care about something. But again, gotta be careful what you listen to.
Speaker 2:Like we just said in our last podcast, I land you know, one of the one of the best things, one of the best things that we we as individuals can learn is to be truthful with yourself in regards to where you are, where you stand. Where you stand, you know, like it's one thing to have a preference, but is your is, is your preference, maintainable? It can you, is it sustainable over a period of time? Because, yeah, it might start off a certain type of way, like, yeah, you know, if you, if you're making a certain type of money and you're in a certain type, in certain areas of the country, you know, then you know what, yep, you might be able to do that, but for the most part, for the most part you have to yeah, okay, no, guys, I'm saying but for the most part, you have to be realistic with where you are in this thing we call life, because and then also understand that life continues to life, it will always continue to life, so you have to be mindful of that when you're making certain selections.
Speaker 2:So, yes, I definitely believe that we should hold on to some of the traditional values that we've learned that we were cultivated under.
Speaker 1:And I love it. I love the way I hold on to it, because if it texts- me it really does If I was to let go some of the things that my grandmother told me.
Speaker 1:You know, like crossing your legs. You know keeping your elbows off the table. You know just wearing a slit. You know make sure your intimates and your clothes is clean slit. You know make sure your your your intimates on your clothes is clean and certain things you know my grandma always say, like like little nuggets, I hear my you know, when I'm doing something I would say my grandma would say this like those type of things I would never let go of, regardless of the fact and and and I think that that should be passed down, like I told my friend today, like there's certain things that we should not negate or let go from our discipline in raising, because especially if we're not going to go get help or talk through our traumas that our parents inflicted on us, because they only knew what they knew.
Speaker 2:They only knew what they knew. Now we want to blame them.
Speaker 1:And now we're going to be the little kids showing up raising our kids. Don't do that, Because remember we used to get beat for that. Let your kids say whatever they want to say. And now your kids saying whatever they want to say.
Speaker 2:Whatever they want to say right.
Speaker 1:And now they cursing you out.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:And now you don't understand why. But when they go to grandma's house they ain't doing that over there, or they are.
Speaker 2:Right, there were certain things, though we're being completely honest and we're going to land this plane in a little bit, but we're being honest. There were certain things that, like you were saying earlier, where you would get, you know, discipline for and it was just a kid being a kid and you didn't have the space to just be a kid you know what I mean Like, whereas now we recognize that you're just being a kid, you're not being disrespectful, you're not being, you know this, that and the third You're just being a kid, you're just being curious.
Speaker 1:You know what I mean. Yeah, he just got himself in trouble. He just got himself in trouble a lot of the time. You're just being curious, you're just. You know what I mean.
Speaker 2:Yeah, you know, he just right, he just he just got himself in trouble a lot of the time and so, but you have to. Like one of my co-workers, he um, was talking to me and he was like you know, one of the things that he learned from when he was growing up was that he noticed how a lot of times his I think he said his grandmother would be like go in there and clean the bathroom. And he would go in there and clean the bathroom and he would clean it to what he thought was clean, right, right, yeah. And his grandma would get upset with them and whoop him and tell him to go back in there and clean the bathroom but never.
Speaker 2:Gave him no type, but never gave him that part right there that part right there, if you never taught me I'm glad you went there, because that's where I think that's where the traditional kind of failed us you know what I mean. There was no teachable moments, and so, then, what we did was we went and we took it and we swung it completely the opposite direction to where I'm not going to do what they did and we did nothing.
Speaker 1:Yep. But, like I said, you can't beat a child, yell at a child without having some type of dialogue with them, even if you don't want them to talk back. Do you know why? My mother sometimes would say you know why I'm beating you? And I'd be like no, I don't know. And then I can't say no because that's talking back. So I'm just sitting up there. So now you're trying to get me to talk when you're telling me don't talk. But you know how I used to be behind that door. I can't stand you.
Speaker 2:I can't wait till I get grown.
Speaker 1:Every curse in the book and you'd be like what you say Nothing're doing this. You got me going. What, like? I'm gonna lose my breath. Uh-uh, I'm gonna mess with you. I can't wait to get out this house and I'm gonna be everything that you, you were, that you were right, to my kid trauma response yep, and that's what I was.
Speaker 2:That's what I was going to say physical child yeah, an adult body.
Speaker 1:That's what it is a mental child raising a physical child and an adult body, and you're both kids, both of us. So now your kids running around here doing that kind of stuff, like I go, walk in and I'm like how are you a mother and you smoke weed with your kid? Explain that to me. I don't want to be. I told myself I don't want to be. I told him I don't want to be his friend. I'm his friend now because he's older, he got married. I don't have no jurisdiction over him. But even then all I could do is give advice. Yeah, but I'm not partying with you right, right, because I'm not doing that I'm not your friend I don't care if you're
Speaker 1:mad, right. So there's certain things that my mother did instill in me and it's crazy because the very values that I got from my grandmother, because my grandmother teaching and discipline raised me up until 26. And she passed, but when it was for my brother he was 15. So we well, we're eight years apart. So I think I'm saying that right, this sheet 18, 26, yeah, no, 50, 60.
Speaker 1:So when he passed away, when, when she passed away, he started, he was raised with my, from my mother, from 15 up until now, and the way he is you could tell he had no traditional values. Whatever my grandmother taught him. He needed more of it, gotcha. And then my mother didn't raise him like I. Like I said, I said, and I typed it into somebody's chat, I said we're not, our kids are not being raised. I'm not being raised anymore, they're just growing up. Yeah, they're being grown up. They they're not being raised.
Speaker 1:Raised is with values, morals, do's, don'ts. Being grown up is just you're here, you're going to be grown, you're going to pick up little things you hear me say, but I'm not taking time to instill anything in you and that's the problem. I don't even know if the modern day is even the correct verbiage to say, because a lot of these kids don't have none of that. But the day is even the correct um verbiage to say, because a lot of these kids don't don't have none of that. But the way they think and the things they say, the entitlement, the audacity at some things they can't, they can't been raised. There's no way. There's no way that the mom sat down and took time to help him with certain stuff. It was, oh, send him to school, let the teachers and the strangers teach them stuff. Kids know songs better, they know the ABC's. I saw a mother on TikTok the other day teaching her daughter how to twerk at 8 years old teaching your daughter how to twerk and you know.
Speaker 1:You know the trick. You don't want to arch your back, push down on her back. You teaching your daughter how to twerk at eight, I think it's cute. Then what does that do for our community? Right, when she get older. Because if your mother taught you, then it got to be right. Right, because your mom taught you. There's no way that she would teach you anything to harm or hurt you. I digress.
Speaker 2:There's no way that she would teach you anything to harm or hurt you. I digress there you go and there you have it. Well, look, it is always a pleasure, shauna, always a pleasure.
Speaker 1:We had another one, another one and another one and another one, and another one, another one, and another one, and another one, and another one. This has been the male and female perspective podcast. I am your host.
Speaker 2:Shauna Speaks and I am Just Comply.
Speaker 1:Like, subscribe, follow and, like he said, just Comply.
Speaker 2:And Just Comply.
Speaker 1:Good night y'all.
Speaker 2:Good night, just comply and just comply. Good night, y'all good night.
